The Martin Mull Songbook

His songs aren't on YouTube. But, he was a wildly hilarious songwriter in the early 70's and I've somehow memorized some of his songs. Here are a couple...beware of blasphemy and bad puns!


Jesus Is Easy by Martin Mull

I tried yoga, I couldn't do it
I tried macrobiotics, couldn't chew it, I blew it
Scientology it made a fool of me
Now I'm back to thinkin' things I thought when I was three

Refrain:
Oh, Jesus is easy, just get down on your knees
He's gonna listen to your every prayer
Yes Jesus is easy just get down on your knees
He's everywhere, Jesus Christ he's everywhere

I tried reefer, I couldn't roll
I tried acid and mescaline, I could not control it
I did coke I couldn't afford, my soul was feeling bored
Now I'm high as a kite, I'm up in heaven with the Lord!

Refrain

I tried women, oh how I tried
I took little boys in leather suits outside and had 'em tied
I tried a poodle, a collie, Kukla, Fran and Ollie
But, Mary in a manger got me SATISFIED!

Refrain


Ventriloquist Love by Martin Mull

Once we was happy, as Kukla and Fran
You were my woman, and I was your man
We didn't have no big Rolls Royce
But we was happy now wasn't we Joyce?
And then you went away to night school
And learned to throw your voice!

Refrain:
Ventriloquist love
It ain't such a groove
Whenever I kiss ya darlin'
Your lips never move

You'd practice for hours, with the bedroom door shut
Just you and your dummy, little Charlie McNutt
And don't you know he looked so cute
In his little yellow suit
But then one night you broke him, didn't you honey?
And had me substitute

Refrain

But, last night at that party, you threw it all away
I'll never live down honey, the things you forced me to say
You made a pass at every guy
Lord I wanted just to curl up and die
'Cause you made the words come from me
And now I can't look 'em in the eye

'Cause the things they're thinkin'
Are hard to disprove
'Cause whenever I kiss ya darlin'
Your lips never move