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March 2009 
Stuff I wrote about stuff (inspired by mimi)
Posted on Jan 12th, 2009
by 
muji
muji
I know how insidious stuff can be. Its as if it has a consciousness. It seems to just sit there, but when we're entranced by it, VOILA!…it has multiplied!
How does it do this? I've never seen it having sex. I've never heard it moaning in the night, although the floor beneath it has been know to cry out. It must breathe air because the more stuff there is, the less air there is.
But, ultimately, I think it has a helper…us. We are it's Igor and Renfield, mesmerized by it, saying “Yes, master” to it. We live the “Night of the Living Accumulators”. This stuff of ours…we think it belongs to us. But, we seem to belong to it! It plays and preys on our sentiments. It sends wicked cords into our solar plexus. It attaches to us with its emotional tentacles.
There is only one way to be freed from this menace. Call a Feng Shui expert. Don't mis-dial and call Ghostbusters. Feng Shui is actually Asian exorcism. I once did this and a guy who looked a lot like Owen Wilson came to my home and did an estimate. The next day, four guys who all wore Jackie Chan masks came and emptied my home…of everything. Hmmm…come to think of it, I might have been burglarized!
How does it do this? I've never seen it having sex. I've never heard it moaning in the night, although the floor beneath it has been know to cry out. It must breathe air because the more stuff there is, the less air there is.
But, ultimately, I think it has a helper…us. We are it's Igor and Renfield, mesmerized by it, saying “Yes, master” to it. We live the “Night of the Living Accumulators”. This stuff of ours…we think it belongs to us. But, we seem to belong to it! It plays and preys on our sentiments. It sends wicked cords into our solar plexus. It attaches to us with its emotional tentacles.
There is only one way to be freed from this menace. Call a Feng Shui expert. Don't mis-dial and call Ghostbusters. Feng Shui is actually Asian exorcism. I once did this and a guy who looked a lot like Owen Wilson came to my home and did an estimate. The next day, four guys who all wore Jackie Chan masks came and emptied my home…of everything. Hmmm…come to think of it, I might have been burglarized!
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My Wise and Insightful Comment is that you are one of the funniest guys I have ever met. Honestly, I think I may one day say, “I knew him when…….” I hope you will keep letting us into your magic world with more blog pieces. I am thrilled to be your friend and honoured that you found some inspiration in my struggle getting rid of Stuffffffff - aaargh! ((hugs))) my friend!
yes, follow the path of the ancient wise one mimi….she’ll never let you down.
Many thanks, mimi. I’ve often thought about taking some improv classes. But, what I really needed was improve classes…
Another winner!
WhooHoo, you rock!
Oh my God, what a great bit Meho! We all have the best intentions, don’t we? Every month it’s a new mantra… simplify, simplify. But some how it creeps, crawls, jumps and somehow gleefully ends right back in my lap - or on a table or chair or floor. I love your comedy.
I like your blog. It’s funny.